OMG TOP SECRET PACKAGE
Sep. 16th, 2005 12:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elsajeniToday I got a package from my mom. Once the envelope was removed, I was left with a little bundle, wrapped in multiple layers of brightly-colored tissue paper, on the outer layer of which was written:
DO NOT OPEN IN PUBLIC
PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL
EYES ONLY
(I'm guessing my mom felt pretty cool about writing "eyes only" on it, so I'm not planning to mention that what that actually means is that I'm not allowed to take it out of the room.)
So I decided Brenton and Tall Mike didn't really count as "public" and opened it, at which point I discovered that it was
PAUSE INSERTED FOR PURPOSES OF SUSPENSE
underpants.
(My mom has some kind of underpants complex. She thinks of them as a thing that is VERY PRIVATE and MUST BE HIDDEN. At one point she advised me and a friend that, if we had to leave our dirty clothes in a pile until we were able to pack them back up again, the underpants in the pile should be "folded discreetly." For a little while we took great joy in stepping out of the shower, picking up our dirty clothes, and hollering, "HEY, EVERYONE! LOOK AT ME! I'M FOLDING SOME UNDERPANTS!" on the theory that, really, that was the only way one could indiscreetly fold underpants.)
It wouldn't have troubled me, really, that it was underpants. Presumably it does not come as a great shock to my friends that I wear underpants, and if it does come as a great shock to them, well, they'll probably get over it eventually.
But what did trouble me was that Tall Mike announced proudly, "I knew it was underpants."
... What?
DO NOT OPEN IN PUBLIC
PERSONAL AND CONFIDENTIAL
EYES ONLY
(I'm guessing my mom felt pretty cool about writing "eyes only" on it, so I'm not planning to mention that what that actually means is that I'm not allowed to take it out of the room.)
So I decided Brenton and Tall Mike didn't really count as "public" and opened it, at which point I discovered that it was
PAUSE INSERTED FOR PURPOSES OF SUSPENSE
underpants.
(My mom has some kind of underpants complex. She thinks of them as a thing that is VERY PRIVATE and MUST BE HIDDEN. At one point she advised me and a friend that, if we had to leave our dirty clothes in a pile until we were able to pack them back up again, the underpants in the pile should be "folded discreetly." For a little while we took great joy in stepping out of the shower, picking up our dirty clothes, and hollering, "HEY, EVERYONE! LOOK AT ME! I'M FOLDING SOME UNDERPANTS!" on the theory that, really, that was the only way one could indiscreetly fold underpants.)
It wouldn't have troubled me, really, that it was underpants. Presumably it does not come as a great shock to my friends that I wear underpants, and if it does come as a great shock to them, well, they'll probably get over it eventually.
But what did trouble me was that Tall Mike announced proudly, "I knew it was underpants."
... What?
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 12:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 06:37 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-09-16 09:43 pm (UTC)1) Underpants
2) A stool sample
Since everyone knows that you don't send stool samples in tissue paper, it's a pretty clear-cut issue. This kid isn't a genius with x-ray vision, he's just a typical guy who associates girls with underpants.